Saturday, 25 January 2014

Dreading Being 20! :(

Hello Again. How is every one doing?. I havent posted in a week or too and that is just because i dont think i have had anything to talk about or anything that you would be interested in reading. But i have found a couple of thngs so i will get to it. 

Sorry if i have spoke about these topics again as i cant be bothered to look through what i previouly have written. 

Soo here it goes. 

I think i have been on a downer for a couple of weeks. Maybe that is the reason why i havent been blogging but the main explanation for being sad is that i don't want to turn 20. It never really bothered me until the start of December 2013 and i started thinking about next year. IM NOT GONNA BE A TEEN ANYMORE! I don't know about you but i don't want to grow up and be an adult. Because that means that i have to ACT like one. I'm just not ready for that. Also another part of it is that i have literally gotten no way with my life. I have no job, no money, no flat, no partner, basically no friends. This, i think is how the rest of my life is gonna go which i don't want.

Also in my last post i got into the law of attraction which is a very interesting concept. I totally engulfed myself in it and tried to get in touch with my spiritual side as i didn't have none. I tried to do some meditation which i only done once so i am gonna have to get back into that as it was quite relaxing and fun thinking about your goals that you want. 
I have just decided right now as a mini goal to do meditation at least twice a week and its not like i have anything better to do anyway and the fact that it makes me feel good is a plus side.

I was meant to do this particular thing at the start of the month but i just hate going there and if i had a choice to either go there or jump of a bridge then i would defo one hundred percent JUMP! Your proberly thinking what is worst then jumping off a bridge.. Job Center.

The Job Center on its own needs a whole paragraph to itself. Its a pretty shitty place and i didnt want to ever return to that building unless i was dieing but you know i have the baddest luck in the world and i always pick really bad job that i cant handle that have nasty people working there. No wonder i got the jobs i did have in the past. I finally plucked up the rest of my self confidence off of the floor and i applied online. Then they said they would call in the next couple of days. As for me it was the next day, early morning which i can never do and i had to ring them back. Keeping in mind people that i am terrified of the telephone,(It is on you top two fears)also this is where the teeny tiny bit left over from destroying myself through the online application where it got worse. I couldn't get through to the right people so in the end i had to get mum to do it for me which doesnt make me look like a very good adult!! So now i have an appointment at 2 on Monday which i am dreading but it has to be done. Can i just say as well that it always reaks of drugs and weird people hang around outside like they are gonna mug you or something. So best not to wear your newest clothes if you have to "Sign On" As it were. 

Now on to a more positive topic, i have been clearing out my room. I had to swap my bookcase and clothes rail around because one of the corners of my room where the rails were. It has a tendency to get damp and moldy quick so eventually it got up the wall so far that it was effecting my clothes and they had developed some mold on them. Only a few items had some on and i am gonna see if it come out in the wash as it doent look very deep.(Still talking about the moldage) People say that mold never comes out of clothes but its not gonna stop me from trying. 
I had to use this mold remover spray thing and OMG Was that strong. My pupils were big as hell and i think i got high on that stuff. Not gonna lie it did do the job so i cant complain really. I still have another corner to do and my window but then it will be all out for the mean time. You can really stop mold from coming back you just have to deal with it. 

So this is what you call me procrastinating because i still have to tidy up other corners and organize but its just so hard to get my butt into gear these days. I will do it after i finish this and after i have had a cup of tea and after i have had something to eat. YEP... This is how i roll! Haha

I think i have made this a pretty long entry so i will leave it hear. Who know when i will be back for another round of writing. 

Wee Shall All Seeeee

Love you all
Zoe 
Xx

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