Well hello there. Hope you are well and i know it have heen a hell of a long time for me not being on here. i don't really have any reason apart from me not being myself.
My mind has been pushing me to the limits and i have been finding it hard to resist. This must be sounding ridiculous to you but its just what i am thinking and im not quite sure how to stop it.
I have been to the doctors and they have put me on meds but that didnt work, i went to see a specialist and he said it is just a low mood. I dont trust him cause i have had this since i have been in high school so how come it can be a LOW MOOD when i still fucking suffer from it. I know it is gonna be with me for a while but if i have to deal with it forever, i dont want to live like this.
So i have now gone into shut down mode and it has been a month now. I am in trouble with my mum because i haven't been going to the job center. I wasn't even looking for a job anyway, so i was basically cheating the system anyways. I dont know how to tell her that i dont want a job because i dont feel capable of it. The job i do feel capable of is doing youtube and this because i am my own boss and i get to do what i want. I take everything to heart and if i am in my room no one can hurt me apart from people online but i tend not to listen to them and block them.
I dont have many subscriber to make it into a job yet though. still working on that one.
But speaking about the now i am ILL and it is not very nice. My mum got ill first then it was me. It started off with a sore throat, then a million sneezes, then all night i felt really sick. By the morning i was actually sick. NOT nice at all. After i was sick i started to feel better but the sneezing and the blocked nose and the watery eyes were still there. That is about where i am on the illness point of view. Xx